HELP WANTED

HELP WANTED
Interpreter Needed
Contact Therese Guy 2009

I remember my first experience with Acronyms as a second language.
I joined the Army in 1977 and soon found out that foreign languages did not just exist in different countries, but in career choices too. Confusion assailed me as I wove my way through the cryptic world of military talk. I was a scared kid out of my element trying to figure out meanings so I did not end up in what would be a familiar position for me. The Front leaning rest position, a push-up position on the ground held for long periods of time. This position was to encourage you to engage your brain more readily, and I must say it puzzles me to this day at how effective making ones back and arms hurt accomplished that task.
I soon learned that a CO was a Commanding Officer, that a TOC was a tactical command center and that when the IG (Inspecting General) was coming, the sh.. was about to hit the fan.
One thing I had trouble figuring out was why a lot of the acronyms would change every couple of years. I remember giving a briefing and mentioning the FEBA (forward edge of the battle area). An officer promptly corrected me, “No, no that has now been changed to FLOT.”
“FLOT?” I said raising my eyebrows.
“Yes, you know, front line our troops.”
I thought it was silly to change the acronym when it meant the same thing, but I changed my vernacular and went on with the briefing. Later that night, I became intrigued with the idea that it must be some person’s job to come up with this strange military world of acronyms, and I wondered how much it paid?
The trouble is now thirty-some years later I find myself in the same dilemma with the acronym world of Internet communication sites like Facebook. I could just stick my head in the sand and ignore the cyber universe all together, but I have a daughter who lives several states away, a nephew across several continents in Afghanistan, and I do just like to talk, so computer interface here I am.
But since it is very difficult for me to get up now from the front leaning rest position, I think I need to hire an interpreter.
The other day a friend wrote on my page that they thought I need PT. I was so perplexed, did she think I needed:
· A Personal Trainer (True, I am heavy)
· A Physical Therapist (I have bad knees)
· Personal Time (I do work a lot)
· Psychiatric Treatment (Hey, I’m just a little neurotic!)
I hope it was not all of those, if so, she should of just said, “OLP” overall life
plan.
I do try and be a good parent, so I limit my child’s computer time and check out her Facebook and My Space randomly. The other day when she was mad at me I saw line about me. She compared me to a Pita. I said to my friend beside me, “Oh that’s not so bad.” My friend knows me so well, she rolled her eyes and said,
“Therese, you nerd, she is not comparing you to a Mexican flat bread.
She is calling you a, Pain In The Ass!” Opps, maybe I did not want that one translated. Ignorance can be bliss.
For now I will try and struggle through, I at least figured out that LOL means Laugh Out Loud and not Lots Of Love. I would appreciate it if you would forgive my errors and if you are insulted by any acronyms I throw out do not be offended, look at it twice, you will probably be ROFL. (Rolling On The Floor Laughing.) TTFN (Tah Tah For Now) Therese